How Do You Love Someone? Izaya
by loving-every-minute-of-it
Summary: Izaya had always known everything... except when it came to that one emotion no one can escape. Extremely OOC! Story better than summary! Songfic
1. How do you love someone?

Rain was pouring down as the raven-haired informant stared out over the city through the giant window in his office. Usually he loved watching his precious humans scurry about in the rain but tonight he wasn't even paying attention. He was preoccupied with the thoughts, rushing furiously, through his head. He knew that most humans dealt with the concept of love on a regular basis but for Izaya, this was a whole new feeling. He blamed this on how he was raised…

_Mama never told me how to love  
Daddy never told me how to feel  
Mama never told me how to touch  
Daddy never showed me how to heal_

Izaya had grown up in a truly loveless household. His parents' marriage was nothing more than a business agreement: two wealthy families needed to be tied to one another in order to make even more money, so a marriage between their children seemed only logical to them. Both Izaya's mother and father had had their own relationships prior to the marriage so, naturally, they resented one another and treated their marriage simply as a professional situation…

_Mama never set a good example_  
_Daddy never held mama's hand_  
_Mama found everything hard to handle_  
_Daddy never stood up like a man_

Izaya knew that he was not a product of love, but simply, a necessary vessel for their wealth to be passed through. He knew that one day, he too, would be forced into a loveless marriage that's sole purpose was for financial profit. Therefore, love was never a real emotion to him…_  
__  
I've walked around broken  
Emotionally frozen  
Getting it on, getting it wrong_

… until now. Up until now, Izaya had been very loose. Sex was supposed to be about love, but since Izaya didn't believe in love, he did it with any girl or guy who seemed interested. It seemed after each time, however, he only felt more and more disgusted with himself. Deep inside he wanted to believe that love could exist but he refused to open himself up emotionally to anyone, staying in a completely isolated state. But when he met Shizuo something changed. He felt stronger feelings towards him than any other human… ever. He assumed that these feelings were ones of hatred and not love. The emotion was so strong it scared Izaya so he pushed it away by convincing himself to hate the bodyguard. Izaya was too smart to be tricked though, even by himself. He knew that he loved Shizuo but had no idea how to go about dealing with this new emotion. He found himself wondering…  
_  
__How do you love someone without getting hurt?  
How do you love someone without crawling in the dirt?  
So far in my life, clouds have blocked the sun_

To Izaya, falling in love was a truly demeaning thing. To entrust yourself to someone else was a stupid idea since all Izaya had even seen love do to people was leave them hurt and broken. He refused to be left in such a vulnerable state. But for some reason Izaya couldn't really accept this. When he was with Shizuo he never felt hurt (well not emotionally… he had to admit the vending machines and stop signs DID leave a few bruises) or broken or vulnerable. With Shizu-chan he always felt thrilled and alive and… (dare he say?) happy…

_How do you love, how do you love someone?_  
_How do you love, how do you love someone?_

The question kept running through Izaya's head and for the first time in the young informant's life he was truly confused and, to be honest, pretty scared as well…

_I was always the chosen child_  
_Their biggest scandal I became_

Unlike Izaya, his parents had understood what their son was feeling towards the other boy. They knew that he was in love and they would not stand for it. First of all, neither of them had been able to be with the one that they loved so they didn't think their son deserved to either. Secondly, if anyone else found out that their son was in love with another boy it would hurt both the family's and the company's reputations and they were most certainly NOT going to let that happen…

_They told me I'd never survive_  
_But survival's my middle name_

After his parents had thrown him out of the house, Izaya was unable to continue his education at Raira since he had no money for tuition. He was not as upset at the loss of his education as he was when he realized: no more school meant no more Shizu-chan. Izaya took up the job of being an informant for the sole purpose of being able to maintain observing his beloved, fortunately, the job paid well and he was good at it…

_I've walked around hoping_  
_Just barely coping_  
_Getting it on, getting it wrong_

Izaya refused to keep living like this. He had to let Shizuo know how he felt. Even if he was rejected, which seemed to be the inevitable result, he simply could not continue being a slave to his own emotions. Once again the questions rang loud and clear in his head…  
_  
How do you love someone without getting hurt?  
How do you love someone without crawling in the dirt?  
So far in my life, clouds have blocked the sun_

Izaya decided that love truly was a terrifying thing. Look what love had done to him! He was already out of his apartment building and running straight for Shizuo's apartment. The rain that beat down on him was cold but he didn't care, all he knew was that he needed to get to the bodyguard's apartment and he needed to get there NOW! He admitted to himself that he had absolutely no plan whatsoever but he decided he would just have to cross that bridge when he came to it…_  
__  
__How do you love, how do you love someone?  
How do you love, how do you love someone?__  
__  
_Izaya never once thought about how irrational he was being, he was standing at the monster's door for Christ's sake! He never cursed himself for letting his emotions get the best of him. He never realized that he was doing what he vowed never to do. All he could think of was being near the one he couldn't live without...  
_  
It's hard to talk, to say what's deep inside  
It's hard to tell the truth when you've always lied_

Izaya had never been so… human before! He was now knocking on the door desperately trying to get Shizuo to come out and face him and face what love had done to the informant. After thirty minutes of banging on the door, which had caused Izaya's hands to become bruised and many neighbors to complain due to the excessive noise he was making in the middle of the night, Izaya crumpled to the floor and began sobbing uncontrollably. He looked up and began begging the God that he didn't believe in for answers. Eventually he screamed:

_"How do you love someone without getting hurt?_  
_How do you love someone without crawling in the dirt?_  
_So far in my life, clouds have blocked the sun_  
_How do you love, how do you love someone?"_

When he received no answer of any sort, Izaya stood up, wiped his eyes, and walked out of the complex in calm and controlled way that was more like the typical Izaya, the Izaya that everyone despised… including Shizuo. As he stepped out into the rain he couldn't help but wonder…

_How do you love someone and make it last?_  
_How do you love someone without tripping on the past?_

There was no hope for him. He had given love everything he had and was simply screwed over, just like everyone else who had fallen victim to the cursed emotion. He was in the state he never wanted to be in: hurt, broken and, worst of all, vulnerable. Love had always hurt everyone around him and Izaya knew he wasn't the first to be destroyed by it and he surely wasn't the last…

_So far in my life, clouds have blocked the sun_

He was lost in thought when he bumped into someone. Someone muscular, tall and (despite the cold weather) warm. He knew who it was even before the taller man yelled  
"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING YOU DAMNED FLEA!"  
Izaya's eyes, although facing the floor, widened yet he continued walking. He simply couldn't stand to be around the cause of his pain… not right now. Shizuo was, understandably, shocked when he received no cocky comment from the informant.  
"What the hell…" was all he could manage to mutter as the flea began to disappear into the crowd…

_How do you love, how do you love someone?_  
_How do you love, how do you love someone?_

Izaya couldn't help himself, he had to turn around to see the protozoan's face… and that's when his crimson eyes stared straight into the golden ones that belonged to the one thing he could never hope to have…

_Someone_


	2. Author's note

If you are reading this it means you have read my story :D Sorry I had to make my author's note a chapter but I didn't realized when to write it… So in case you were unaware this IS my first fanfic ever! I absolutely adore Durarara but I do not own it or any of the characters. I also do not own the song that this fic was written about. Anyways I REALLY REALLY want to thank eikokazam and Marie Hawkins! Without their advice this would have probably never been written! Please review with some constructive criticism but try to keep in mind that this is my first fanfic (as if I haven't said it enough) and I understand there are many areas that I could improve upon. Thank you raking the time to read my story! 3


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